Sunday, January 20, 2013
@ 5:52 AM | 0 Shhhh . .
Where does the pit end!
~ With everything floating around, i start to think a lot again. Bad luck seem to follow me closely recently, really have that the rain will stop. People mention that it won't rain always but waiting for the shine now makes me so worried. Nothing seem to be smooth sailing ever since 2013 started, is this really gonna be a disastrous year for me? I'm a fish out of water! I start thinking, maybe it's time to cut clear with Lucas. Both of us is going no where are we? I don't wish to change anymore, i felt tiring with all this hot and cold feeling going round and round. Looking back at how we started off those impulse conversation, looking back at how much i broke my principles to change and put myself down. Everyone around me knows clearly, with or without him by my side, i made it clear that only him whom is allowed to break through this walls. This is extremely strong within me because i allows it. Is it time for a change? Coming down to this point, if i'm gonna give one last shot to clarify all this messed up relation between me and him, it's a no turning back point. The rejection will be an entry to another stage of life where i most likely will regret it for life, the acceptance will stop me from becoming a pretty women. I have fancy the show pretty women since i was young but not everyone will have a fairy tale relationship with this kind of pretty women mess up life. I have seen my darlings walking this road, even thought i have not step on it but i do understand that i'm the same. I crave for love, hate being deserted and i do know how hard was it to suppress this emotions. Currently everything is running low, i seriously don't know how am i gonna survive through. Even if i let down my ego, how much can i collate after drawing lines with so many people just not to have misunderstanding. Dreaming that i could see god now and knows his plans for me. I'm scare, lost and confuse. I need strength, lots and lots of it! Tears are streaming like waterfall, have anyone heard my cries, does anyone knows how i feel at this second?
