~ Tons of SMSes received this morning. Was busying replying while waiting for time. Actually i should be heading Diners to collect my cheque then to recruit express to fill some forms and lastly K suites for an interview but first two was push till tomorrow. Anyway interview did go well but basis is really to low. I understand that back in F&B line is always this case. No matter what i am hoping that ANZ call me for interview or any sale line recruiting me. I want a job that i can communicate, i believe that that's my strength. I love to think and talk because being lonely is never my interest. I seriously can't stand alone even till now i am still trying to adapt it as it just remind me of a lot of history. Does that i wish to buried it forever, does that i fear of. Sometime feeling is an unique thing. When you get attach to it, you will find ways to feel it if it's love or throw it away if it's hate. I am learning to stop doing things that i hate, i wanna make myself happy (: Oh ya, someone told me that i should know how to take care of myself so i say no. I don't wish and don't want to know because it's also something that i hate. I love to be taken care of but of cause i'll be choosy on who i will depend on. I just wanna let that person know that i am not very smart neither am i dumb. I protect my feelings well to keep my faith forward, although my heart been broken times after times but i will make my scar prefect. I face my feeling well regardless it's toward family, lover or friends. I will do anything for them within my reach, i will pretend that nothing bothers my heart and i will remind silent. Knowing things doesn't mean you got to announce it because sometimes it's dangerous to know. Not all endings are beautiful and the only thing to do is to minimize the pain for your love once. Lastly i love to protect my dream and my dream is to have a complete family regardless it's fixing the one now or creating my own. In my eighteen plus years everything has been fallen once and again. It's a sickening cycle. I don't blame mum for this as i know she will do anything if she had a choice to hang on and keep me, Cassandra and Valerie save. I am always thankful that she have the extraordinary courage to give birth to me no matter how hard life have been, this courage don't come easily. Knowing who is my dad is no longer a MUST to me because many nights this nightmare came hunting me telling me how mum feels and how life is from before till now. Since he didn't want me from the very start, there isn't a reason that he will accept me now. Shall keep the rest of emotion in my tears as i won't want it to roll anywhere.

~ Tons of SMSes received this morning. Was busying replying while waiting for time. Actually i should be heading Diners to collect my cheque then to recruit express to fill some forms and lastly K suites for an interview but first two was push till tomorrow. Anyway interview did go well but basis is really to low. I understand that back in F&B line is always this case. No matter what i am hoping that ANZ call me for interview or any sale line recruiting me. I want a job that i can communicate, i believe that that's my strength. I love to think and talk because being lonely is never my interest. I seriously can't stand alone even till now i am still trying to adapt it as it just remind me of a lot of history. Does that i wish to buried it forever, does that i fear of. Sometime feeling is an unique thing. When you get attach to it, you will find ways to feel it if it's love or throw it away if it's hate. I am learning to stop doing things that i hate, i wanna make myself happy (: Oh ya, someone told me that i should know how to take care of myself so i say no. I don't wish and don't want to know because it's also something that i hate. I love to be taken care of but of cause i'll be choosy on who i will depend on. I just wanna let that person know that i am not very smart neither am i dumb. I protect my feelings well to keep my faith forward, although my heart been broken times after times but i will make my scar prefect. I face my feeling well regardless it's toward family, lover or friends. I will do anything for them within my reach, i will pretend that nothing bothers my heart and i will remind silent. Knowing things doesn't mean you got to announce it because sometimes it's dangerous to know. Not all endings are beautiful and the only thing to do is to minimize the pain for your love once. Lastly i love to protect my dream and my dream is to have a complete family regardless it's fixing the one now or creating my own. In my eighteen plus years everything has been fallen once and again. It's a sickening cycle. I don't blame mum for this as i know she will do anything if she had a choice to hang on and keep me, Cassandra and Valerie save. I am always thankful that she have the extraordinary courage to give birth to me no matter how hard life have been, this courage don't come easily. Knowing who is my dad is no longer a MUST to me because many nights this nightmare came hunting me telling me how mum feels and how life is from before till now. Since he didn't want me from the very start, there isn't a reason that he will accept me now. Shall keep the rest of emotion in my tears as i won't want it to roll anywhere.